By Mikozi Newsdesk Social media was left in holy stitches this afternoon after Dr Triphonia Thomson Mpinganjira delivered what can only be described as a sanctified shutdown to an unsolicited prophet who tried sliding into her divine DMs with a “message from God.” The prophet, operating under the Facebook name Prophet Stephanie Chikweni Ministries, made a dramatic entrance by tagging Triphonia and announcing:  “I have your important message from God... I could have posted on my page but God said I should not post on social media.” God, apparently, prefers inboxes now. However, Triphonia wasn’t having any of it and responded with a masterclass in spiritual self-confidence. “Sorry prophet. Since I was born and knew my God, He never sent me any message through a prophet. He talks to me direct.” Ouch. She went on to explain that she doesn’t need a divine middleman and that her communication line with the Almighty is crystal clear—no airtime, WiFi, or prophets needed. “I talk to God every day and I have taken all His instructions and directions each day. That is why I am here today.”   Social media users erupted with laughter and praise, calling Triphonia “the real prophet,” “God’s WiFi with full bars,” and “the firewall that blocked divine spam.” Even atheists were reportedly impressed. Some speculated that the prophet in question might have been trying to slide into more than just the spiritual realm, but Triphonia made it clear—her inbox is closed for business, spiritual or otherwise. At press time, the prophet had not replied, possibly still recovering from the holy uppercut. Moral of the story: If you’re going to “speak for God,” make sure the recipient doesn’t already have Him on speed dial. Stay tuned for more social media gospel right here on Mikozi.